I am Kolyaaa!
This is my website!What's new? Besides my LOSING further rewards (the voting is rigged!)? Check out my Awards and Illustrations page. A fine illustration for Stuck has been added.
DOOM! You may read it my personal interweb, or proceed to the internetworks fantasy fiction location. Leave me many reviews at that site! This story will keep you on the edge of your seat! It has intrigue, a mystery and suspense. The interlopers in the City of the Ancestors get toppled like bowling-pins. You'll find smashed noses, dangling scientists, drugged out colonels, broken bones, vomiting blenders, plunging jumpers, mashed glasses, bad reception, scary machinery, disappearing floors, SHARKS and an awful lot of water. Some toilets might back up too (not sure if I deleted that part or not). Bad things happen and nearly everyone gets broken, drowned, dislocated, bruised, sliced, dropped or maimed in some hideous way.THE NEXT EVENT! or at fantasy fiction interweb (leave me many reviews -- or else!)
You will adore this one. You will eat it up like soup and crackers and come back begging for more. It involves a long lost sibling, a revived Satedan festival, and a journey to a fantastic place. The story has everything you could want: naked women, feats of strength, one hell of a fight, and McKay gets slapped! Then there's cute fluffy creatures, beautiful fantastic creatures, blood! guts! GORE! SINK HOLES! DESTRUCTION and things blow up. Yeah. This is such a good story, you're going to be leaving me feedback with every chapter. You won't be able to help yourself so get started now. NOMINATED for a 2006 Stargate Fan Award! -- BUT LOST!!! NOMINATED for a 2007 Stargate Fan Award! -- Shafted again! I am filled with a black anger.STUCK! or at fantasy fiction interweb (seriously, I mean it about the reviews!)
You will faint with pleasure when you read this story. Might as well give me all the awards right now. In this story, you'll find a certain annoying character being turned into a kid. Imagine who that might be! I have cute cuddly scenes, vomit, pink shoes, Wraith attacks, headaches, cool toys, prerequisite infirmary scenes. Someone gets shot. What the hell does "whump" mean, anyway? Don't drink anything when you're reading this story because you will seriously SPEW. Seriously... I mean it! If not from laughter, this story will make you seriously ill. It's worse than the bird flu. And have those hankies handy! NOMINATED for a 2006 Stargate Fan Award! -- BUT LOST!!! NOMINATED for a 2007 Stargate Fan Award! I glower as I receive another drubbing. Why do you taunt me like this? They kept me hanging well into 2008! It is because they are frightened of me and fear my wrath (not Wraith. I don't have any of those)
It's a shame to call my stories - 'fiction' because they are so damn real!
McKay, quit your belly achin'. We'll get going in a minute
My Awards! -- NOTHING from those losers at the StargateAwards! (except for maybe some sort of booby prize that I haven't seen yet) But have I told you about my pink udder and my incredible award for RULING!? and another for DRAGON ELIMINATION (and by elimination, I don't mean pooping) Check out my award/illustration page.
My Live Journal Read it. Get to know more about the wonderfulness that is KOLYAAA! There is so much to love.
I am am Kolyaaa! I am an artist and the best writer you have ever come across! Go ahead, name the best six or seven writers you can imagine. I am better than all of them combined.
My stories will astound you! You will not read anything better today, tomorrow, or any time next week! Honestly, you may come closer to a month before you find anything that'll match the level of my works. You will read my wondrous tales, you will weep -- weep with pure unadulterated JOY that such a writer exists on the interweb.
Then, you will sprinkle me with sugar and heap me with praise because I am incredible.
I AM KOLYAAA!
About me (Kolyaaa):
I enjoy answering challenges, any kind of challenge. In fact, the more impossibly bad the challenge, the more likely I am to respond. I’m wise, a veritable sage, yet youthful and full of good fun. I enjoy knives, poking people with them, and blowing things up.
I am not dead.
My greatest love is my cow, Julie, whom I have known since a wee bairn. I suckled at her teat (but not literally) and have spent many an hour pressed against her warm and furry flank. Oh, dear and lovely Julie. How I adore you! I rather cleverly purchased Julie from a stupid little boy who sold her for some magic beans. Ha ha ha ha! I laugh openly at his ineptitude!
Nefarious acts like that have kept me from ever actually having a real job or a wife or really any friends. But, am I sad? No! I am happy in my bunker under the barn, with sweet sweet Julie and her fine teats full of milk! How could a man be happier?
I enjoy cows, insoluble riddles, loooong kayak rides against the current, moonlight strolls, cows, hybridizing animals that should never be intimate, telemarketing, knives, milking, flowers, caffeinated beverages, cows, knitting, large recreational vehicles, spur of the moment devious plans and shaving horses – which I do the old fashioned way -- with a disposable Schick.
I also love puppies – which taste like chicken when deep-fried.
I am an only child and my greatest goal in life is to become a taxidermist. I have a pet lizard named Sydney and then there's the
Mongoose-CobraCobra-Mongoose hybrid that has taken up residence in the bunker. Also, the miniature horse is now stuffed and mounted to the ceiling.
I can whip you up a mean apple pie. Real mean. My apple pies are wanted for questioning by authorities in three states. And when I said 'whip', I really meant bullwhip.
I am slightly cross-eyed, but have been learning to deal with my disability. Overcoming this obstacle has required a great deal of therapy and determination. It has been difficult -- my life has been hard because of it. You do not know my pain! Somehow, in spite of many nights spent in tears, I have persevered and became quite a success (if I say so myself). And then there's the dandruff issue...
And I am seriously not dead. That was a myth perpetrated by the interlopers in the City of the Ancestors. What was presented on the televised image projection system was designed to confuse you. It was the angle of the camera! Truly, I suffered no more than a scratch.
Between challenges, I enjoy cleaning the bunker, spending quiet times on the windswept steppes with my beloved Julie, the herd of yaks and the ass with whom the we have lived with since (my) puberty. I also enjoy plotting revenge upon Sheppard -- I still haven't forgiven him for shooting me through the wormhole. And if you haven't figured this out, getting shot through the wormhole really smarts.
And then there's the 'dead' thing. Seriously. I am not. Sheppard missed -- or nearly missed. And then he tripped and looked very silly, but they didn't show that part, did they?
LOVE ME! -- love my PINK UDDER!
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